With or Without You Page 3

She stumbled when Matt put his hand on her lower back. The movement brought him closer. If only it were possible to forget her life and drown in this moment. Brianna flashed in her mind. That was all it took to remember why Matt remained forbidden. It was twenty years too late for them.

  “Let’s sit over there.” Matt pointed to a bench near the wooden lifeguard tower. There were only a few other people on the beach, couples taking romantic strolls along the edge of the surf. Tessa glanced at Matt. Wasn’t that what they were doing?

  “Here.” Matt brushed sand off the bench then they sat. After a moment, Tessa relaxed. It was impossible not to with the hypnotic rhythm of the waves and the tangy taste of the ocean on her lips.

  Matt leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His chest expanded with a deep breath. And then he chuckled.

  “Care to share?”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “I’m just trying to put myself in your shoes.”

  “I’m not wearing any and you don’t want the ones in the limo. They aren’t very comfortable.” She looked down at her feet and rotated one of her ankles.

  He winked. “I wouldn’t have anything to wear with them.”

  She joined him in the chuckle.

  He sat straighter and in the process pulled her a bit closer. “When I walked out on that stage I expected to see Heather Krump. For a split second I wondered if she’d changed that much.”

  Tessa did laugh at that. “Then you didn’t keep in touch with her over the years?”

  He shook his head. “My sister still corresponds with a few classmates through email.” He inhaled as if he was going to elaborate, but then he didn’t.

  “Why haven’t you?”

  “I’d gone to an out-of-state university. I met Pam my first year. She was on the fast track right along with me. We went on to attend the same medical school. She’s a pediatrician. Anyway, once we started dating, I didn’t make much time for my friends back home.”

  “I didn’t see your name on the list of those going to the reunion.” She’d looked. The website had current pictures of the alumni. There were several classmates she’d wondered about. Now she was lying to her conscience. Curiosity had eaten at her wondering how he’d changed over the years. Damn, but she liked what the years had done.

  “No, I won’t be able to go. Actually, I really didn’t have any desire to see the old group.” He picked up her hand and studied her fingers. “I would’ve missed out on seeing you.” He raised his eyes to hers.

  “Well, we didn’t hang out in the same cliques.”

  “No, you were in drama club and debate. I was on the baseball team and in the chess club. But I remember you from a couple of classes.”

  Drama and debate. She hadn’t thought he knew she existed, yet he remembered the clubs she belonged to. The night of the dance had been the first time she’d ever been alone with him—ever said more than a passing hello. Which is why she felt like a slut the day after their incredible night. She’d silently lusted after him for the entire senior year. At the first opportunity she’d slept with him…and then never spoken to him again. She shivered with the knowledge.

  “Cold?”

  She shook her head. “No, hungry.” Now that she knew she hadn’t been a blip on the radar and that he’d actually remembered her from high school, no way was she bowing out of the date with a headache. A team of construction workers could be pounding in her head and she’d still go. It was important. She wanted to learn as much as she could about Matt Toler in the next couple of hours.

  After getting back into the limo, Matt noticed that Tessa seemed more relaxed. She didn’t stiffen when he sat next to her and her hands were softly resting on the seat rather than clenched in her lap. He wondered what he’d said to make her take her guard down.

  The driver took them to the hotel provided by the show. Matt exited first and then took her hand in his, helping her out of the vehicle.

  They walked through the elegant lobby, past the reservation desk to the bank of elevators. He watched her survey her appearance in the mirrored elevator doors. With a flip of her fingers, she fluffed her hair then smiled at him in the reflection.

  “Do you want to go to your room to freshen up before dinner?”

  “I’m ready,” she said. “Unless you need to go to your room.”

  He would like to take her to his room as much as he’d like to take his next breath, but he didn’t think her thoughts traveled in the same direction.

  They took the elevator to the thirtieth floor.

  “We have reservations,” Matt said to the hostess. “Matt Toler and Tessa Brooks.”

  She smiled brightly. “Wonderful. The show has taken care of everything. We’ve put you at our special VIP table.”

  “This is beautiful,” Tessa whispered as they followed the hostess to their table.

  Nestled in the back of the restaurant, the cozy corner offered the most amount of privacy. From their chairs they had a perfect view of the Los Angeles skyline. Towering buildings with lighted windows too numerous to count stretched into the glowing night sky.

  “It’s so strange not to see stars.”

  Matt held her chair while she sat. “It’s the same in Chicago. The city’s lights are too bright and the smog is too thick.” He sat to her right so they could both see the skyline.

  “When Brianna was little, I went to school during the day and worked at night. I’d take my breaks outside and watch the stars.”

  Matt popped the cork of the bottle of chilled champagne compliments of the show. “So it was just the two of you?”

  She nodded when he positioned the bottle over her glass. “My mom helped me with babysitting. But I was with her every spare minute I had.” Tessa picked up the menu. “Everything looks delicious.”

  Matt glanced at the menu but was more interested in watching Tessa. Candlelight played with the highlights in her hair in the dimly lit restaurant. The waiter took their order and by the time the appetizer arrived, Tessa had a beautiful glow in her cheeks from the champagne. Her effervescent laugh caused a stirring deep inside.

  Matt couldn’t remember the last time the world had simply drifted away. Twenty years ago she’d enchanted him and tonight she’d done the same. Only now he wasn’t a teenage boy who didn’t know how to treat a lady. And Tessa was every inch a woman.

  Their meal arrived. Matt had the filet mignon and Tessa had the salmon. Her eyes went from her plate to his. “Yours looks delicious.”

  The meat cut like butter. “Have a bite.” He held the fork out to her.

  Tessa leaned toward him and parted her lips. Pink and tempting, her tongue curled around the morsel of food as her lips closed over the fork. “Mmm. Good.” She chewed, swallowed and sipped more of her champagne.

  If she asked for another bite he’d never finish the meal. His cock throbbed behind the fly of his slacks. Every move she made played with his libido. Maybe his memory was toying with his emotions. Each thought breathed new life into forgotten images.

  “What did you think when Brianna called the show?”

  Tessa paused with a bite poised to go into her mouth. She set her fork back on her plate and picked up her champagne glass. She smiled as she put her lips to the rim and drank. After setting down her empty glass, she laughed nervously. Meeting his eyes, she took a bite of salmon.

  “This is perfect. Would you like a bite?” She held out her fork. The salmon jiggled on the end.

  Matt steadied her hand with his and guided the food to his mouth. “Delicious,” he said then released her.

  He could tell she didn’t want to discuss the show. “Tessa? Are we ever going to talk about how we came to be sharing this incredible meal?”

  She set her fork on her plate and folded her hands in her lap.

  “A few months ago Brianna sent a letter to the show.” Tessa grimaced. “She told them that I still looked like I did in high school.” She chuckled. “And aside from a few wrinkles and a couple of pounds, she was rig
ht. Same hair style, same clothes—” she scrunched up her face, “—basically, same life.”

  Matt refilled their champagne flutes while she continued with the explanation.

  “A couple days ago the show called and informed me that I’d been selected for a high school reunion makeover. I didn’t know about the rest.”

  That still didn’t explain his involvement. One night did not equate to a lover’s reunion. “How does my name come into the story?”

  “Okay,” she blurted. “I might’ve embellished our involvement.” She took a hearty swallow of champagne. “I mean, I did embellish our involvement.”

  “I guessed that much.”

  “Matt, you had to have known I had a crush on you. I thought about that night…a lot. When Brianna asked about my high school years, I took the best boyfriend memory I had and made it a relationship.”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “Boy friend. You have a teenage daughter.”

  He nodded. “She’s fifteen.”

  “Then you should know exactly what I’m talking about.” She pointed at him with the wine glass. “You might not remember, but I certainly do. High school sucks. Brianna was going through a hard time. Boys are important to a young girl. I didn’t have many stories to help her, so I lied.” She grew quiet, picked up her fork and flaked the fish on her plate. “Everyone lies sometimes,” she whispered. “When they don’t see any alternative.”

  “I’m not upset, Tessa. I wish we had known each other better in high school.” In the corner a man tickled the ivory keys. “I’d like to change that now. Would you like to dance?” Matt stood and offered his hand. She glanced up, eyes heavy with emotion. Hesitantly, she slipped trembling fingers into his.

  Matt smiled and pulled her to her feet. “The next time I meet your daughter, I’ll thank her.” He led Tessa onto the small dance floor situated in the center of a cluster of tables. “Because of her I’m getting the chance to know an incredible, intelligent—” his eyes raked down her body, savoring each curve and contour, “—desirable woman.” He pulled her into his arms. “Something special happened that night.” He swayed his hips and turned a slow circle to the music. “I think something special is happening tonight.”

  She laced her fingers behind his neck. “We were kids then.”

  “Thank God we aren’t anymore.” His hands drifted lower, over the swell of her hips.

  “Yes, but we’re smarter.” Sway. Step. Sway. Step. Their bodies aligned to nestle her softness to his hardness. “Matt, I’m not feeling smart. I’m feeling the champagne.”

  She had to be feeling his cock. To him, it felt like a brick between them. The silk of her dress, the sweet scent of her perfume, and the heat from her body fused together in an intensive, reckless want to take her to his room to continue the dance with less clothing.

  The song came to an end and he escorted her back to the table. “Coffee?”

  Tessa shook her head. “I’ve had a lovely day, enjoyable dinner, but I think it’s time to say goodnight.”

  Matt glanced at his watch. “The night is still young.”

  “My flight home is early.”

  Matt didn’t want the evening to end. They left the restaurant and went to the bank of elevators. “Would you like to come to my room for a nightcap?” They stepped through the doors and Matt pressed the button to their floor.

  Tessa leaned against the wall of the elevator as it descended to the twenty-second floor. “I’ve had enough to drink.”

  “Then I’ll just walk you to your room.” The elevator bell dinged and the doors opened. “It was nice of the hotel to put us on the same floor.” And only a few rooms apart.

  They reached her room first. “Well, I guess this is goodnight. It was nice to see you again…even unexpectedly.”

  “Are you sure I can’t interest you in that drink? I don’t want the date to end.” Something told him to grab this second chance and hold tight.

  “I don’t either, but Matt, I’m not going to sleep with you.” She chuckled when he put his hand over his heart.

  “You wound me. That thought hadn’t crossed my mind.”

  She furrowed her brows. “Really? Because throughout dinner it’s all I could think about.” She rose to her toes and kissed him sweetly. “But we both know it’d only be for tonight and we’ve already done that.”

  Flutters filled her stomach when he didn’t let her pull away. Instead he backed her against the hallway wall and plundered her mouth in savage need. He ground his erection into her hot, swollen mound. She moaned and fisted her hands in his shirt. She should stop this onslaught of passionate heat, but she couldn’t. It consumed her, controlled her, and made her want more.

  “I don’t want to say goodbye,” he whispered near her ear. “But I will.” He let her go.

  She sucked in air. Her heart pounded in her chest, in her ears, and in the deepest depths of her pussy, clenching in want and dripping wet. Was she a complete fool if she let him walk away?

  “I guess I’ll go to my room and thumb through the old yearbook.”

  “You brought the yearbook?”

  “Yes. The show wouldn’t tell me who the mystery woman was, so I brought it along.” He touched her cheek. “I never imagined my secret reunion would be you. Not after how I treated you.”

  “You didn’t do anything.”

  “Exactly. I should’ve. I can’t believe I was such a shit.”

  “You had a girlfriend.”

  “I didn’t have a girlfriend…not technically. Heather and I had broken up that night. We stayed friends but never got back together.”

  “Oh Matt, not because of what happened between us?”

  “Absolutely not. We’d fought before you asked for a ride home. Although I can’t say having a girlfriend would’ve changed what happened between us. Had I known you were interested, I would’ve made a move during biology.”

  “Really? Well, we still had an agreement.”

  “We did?” He propped a shoulder against the wall.

  She obviously remembered the night in much finer detail than he. “In the morning, before you left, we agreed not to tell anyone. I thought it was because you had Heather. I know I didn’t want a reputation that I was easy. Matt, I’d gone to the prom with someone else.”

  “We both had.” They stared at each other, transported back to that night.

  “I’d like to see the yearbook. I could come to your room just for a minute.” She looked at her room door. “Brianna is probably asleep.”

  She knew exactly what would happen if she went to his hotel room. Yes, she wanted him. Sensations akin to panic weaved through her thoughts. She didn’t know if the pressure on her heart and the tightness coiling in her stomach were fear if she said no, or worse, if she said yes and followed him down the hall.

  “Great.” He smiled and the pressure in her chest eased but her pulse spiked.

  “I can’t remember the last time I saw our yearbook,” she said as they walked to his room. “I lost mine years ago when I had to move around a lot.”

  “You raised Brianna on your own, put yourself through school, but you haven’t talked about Brianna’s father.”

  “He-he wasn’t around. He isn’t a part of her life.”

  “Ah.”

  He might think he had it figured out, but she hoped to hell he didn’t. One more reason she shouldn’t be standing next to him at his hotel room door while he shoved the keycard into the slot. The lock buzzed and clicked. Matt opened the door for her.

  Maid service had turned down his bed and left the desk light on. His room had the same layout as hers except instead of two queens, he had one king-sized bed.

  “I left the yearbook on top of the armoire.” Matt stood at the closet and removed his suit coat. After hanging it, he loosened the knot of his tie. “I’ll be out in a minute.” He went into the bathroom and closed the door.

  Tessa stood at the window overlooking the city. What in the hell was she doing? He’d
asked about Brianna’s father. She shouldn’t be taking this chance, in this room with him, to reminisce their high school years.

  She went to the armoire for the yearbook. Next to it was a bottle of cologne. She looked back at the bathroom door. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she worried what Matt would think if he came out of the bathroom and found her in his stuff.

  Deciding to risk getting caught, she lifted the bottle, uncapped the top and brought it to her nose. Her eyes closed as the scent weaved through her senses. She read the name on the bottle then quickly capped it and returned it to the spot she’d found it.

  The bathroom door opened and she swiped the yearbook from the dresser.

  “Did you find your picture?”

  She turned to him with the yearbook clutched to her chest. “I haven’t looked.”

  He sat on the bed and patted the space next to him. “Bring it over.”

  Sit on the bed…with him? Indecision pulled at her. Sit next to him and possibly end up lying on her back with her legs wrapped around a man she’d fantasized about for two decades, or stand in the middle of the room like an idiot.

  Tessa sat on the bed, leaving a foot of mattress between them. Then she cracked the spine of the book.

  “I’ll scoot over so we can look together.” The bed dipped when he closed the space. Heat from his trouser-clad thigh burned through her dress and into her flesh.

  “You had a lot of friends.” Names and messages covered the front inside pages.

  “Acquaintances.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “Most of them, anyway.”

  They read the inscriptions and laughed at a few. “Most likely to succeed, most likely to become president—your friends had a lot of faith in you.” She turned a glossy page. “Even Principal Healy signed your yearbook.”

  Matt wagged his brows. “I was valedictorian too.”

  “You should go to the reunion. So many people would love to see you.”

  He took the book from her hands then flipped through the pages until he turned to the senior pictures. “There you are.” His hand stilled. A moment of silence stretched between them. “God, you were beautiful.”